BLOG: Don’t be a Bystanders: How to Turn Onlookers into Upstanders

Bullying typically involves others besides the tormentor and his or her target, and numerous peers are often aware of the bullying, and they must choose how to respond. The choice comes down to playing one of three roles: perpetrator, bystander, or upstander. I am a believer in the power of developing kids to understand what it means to be an upstander and I believe that we need to eliminate the role of the “Bystander” altogether.

To more clearly define the roles to be discussed: • Perpetrators join in the bullying, escalate the harassment, or initiate new attacks on the target later.

• Bystanders attempt to remain uninvolved in the situation, often by looking on silently or finding an excuse to walk away.
• Upstanders take action to oppose the bullying in some way. They might intervene directly and tell the tormentors to stop, but they need not put themselves at risk in order to be helpful. Upstanders might also respond in other ways such as making friends with the targeted student or seeking help from adults.
• Most students in a classroom or school do not bully others regularly and are not victimized by bullies, but that does not stop bullying from happening. A common misconception about these student ‘bystanders’ though, is that they typically remain neutral or try to support the victim when they see bullying occurring. Unfortunately, the truth is that students who observe bullying are much more likely to encourage or assist the bully than to attempt to help the victim!

Furthermore, in situations in which a group of students is bullying a child, bystanders may actively join in by taunting, teasing, or ostracizing the victim. Teachers are often surprised when they see a group of otherwise-friendly children egging on a bully or engaging in bullying behaviors themselves. One explanation for why bystanders may cross the line to help bullies is that, as part of a group, bystanders may feel less accountable for their individual actions.  Another possibility is that bystanders feel justified in bullying the victim because they have come to believe that he or she ‘deserves’ such treatment.

Holding upstanders accountable for their behavior in bullying situations, reinforcing that they are the first line of defense, allows them to have positive direction in knowing how to get involved. Oftentimes children are not sure what to do in the moment they see bullying, and sometimes doing nothing is the easiest answer. I teach kids to learn what different situations they may encounter and then help them to role play to learn what the different options are. Seeing mock bullying, and then being able to discuss what the best actions are to take, allows children to respond instead of react when it really counts.

In and out of school, I encourage adults to facilitate group activities to encourage bystanders to develop positive relationships with potential victims, increasing the chances that they will be upstanders if a bullying situation arises.

Here are simple ideas for working with kids to become upstanders:

• Ensure that they understand the definition of “Bullying.” Children may not always know when their behavior crosses the line and becomes bullying.
• Create shared expectations for appropriate conduct and to build a common understanding of what behaviors should be defined as bullying.
• Create a shared definition for bullying with the class or with siblings by having them identify behaviors that are ‘bullying’ behaviors. List these behaviors on the board or somewhere in the house. If students focus only on examples of direct bullying, remind them not to overlook indirect bullying (e.g., gossip, excluding others from a group).Tell children that when you see examples of bullying occurring, you plan to intervene to keep the classroom and home a safe and friendly place for everyone.

With appropriate instruction and guidance bystanders can be empowered to take an active role in preventing bullying from occurring and to report bullying to adults when it does take place, becoming upstanders. To ‘win over’ bystanders to make them upstanders (what I would consider bully-prevention agents), the teacher and adults can make bystanders aware that their own behavior can encourage or discourage bullying, letting them know that they can and should become upstanders.

By teaching tools and phrases that upstanders can use to intervene when they witness bullying, my workshop gives practical concepts to help kids understand the role and importance of being an upstander. Building this role up as one of a leader, friend, and hero, I believe that we can make it “cool” for kids to be upstanders, and build an army to disengage bullying before it starts.

http://www.textkills.com

//

Bullying and Handicap Children

Bullying is a modern social disease. It is a form of behavior that should be nipped in the bud. It affects people victimized by bullies. Bullying is the act where a person coerces or forces another individual to do something he doesn’t want to do. It can be inflicted to victims several times over. It is said eight out of 10 handicapped children are being bullied. Children who have learning disabilities are afraid to socialize with fears of being bullied.

The abuse that a target gets from a bully may come in three basic forms. It could be verbal, emotional or physical. The bully will use ways to coerce and intimidate the victim to do the bully’s bidding. A bully can be an individual or a group of persons ganging up to a target. Bullying and handicap children is a major concern because of their inability to stand up to themselves. Their disabilities make them a soft target for bullies. They are different and weaker. Bullies don’t like different children and as they like their own power, they find it so easy to hurt weaker kids.

Victims of bullying often lose their appetite to go to school at all. The sad part is that school officials, teachers and parents are unable to tell the signs of bullying on a person. Often, people don’t understand how bullying affects the psychology of a person. A person who cannot stand up against a bully is often getting pounced on repeatedly. It causes loss of self-esteem and self-respect which may already be low because of the disability. It leads to self-pity and depression. Worse, it may drive a person to commit suicide in extreme cases.

Bullies pick on a person because of appearance and social status. More often targets are people which bullies see as unfit to be with their social sphere. Bullies target people who are different from them in terms of race, religion and appearance, handicapped kids also belong to this group.  You can tell that a person may be suffering from bullying if they are abnormally failing in their classes. Health problems are also great indicators of bullying. Stress contributed by bullying may cause a lot of medical problems.

To fight bullying, a target needs to confide with a trusted adult. A person in authority can help stop the bullying without the bully knowing it. Seek help in order to stop the bully.

Learn how you can do your part to help stop bullying at http://www.bullybusterusa.org or get the Bully Buster Parent Resource Guide.

Follow us on Twitter @Bullybusterusa

Become our friend of Facebook. http://www.facebook.com/bullybusterusa

 

Zen Dojos Martial Arts Academy and Bully Buster USA help Great Opportunities with Beach Bully Buster Workshop!

 July 24th, Dana Point. Zen Dojos Martial Arts Academy, an official Bully Buster USA Karate Studio located in San Juan Capistrano, CA, partners with Great Opportunities, a local non-profit, to help incorporate an anti-Bully Curriculum to summer Beach outings. Since inception, Great Opportunities has been providing under privileged kids the opportunity to see their potential and understand that they can achieve anything if they believe in themselves.

 

Beach Bully Buster Workshop

Today was their first of many “beach days” where children gather and spend a fun day at a local beach. One of Great Opportunities’ founders, Eric Groos invited Zen Dojos and Bully Buster USA to put on a Beach Bully Buster Workshop for over 40 kids for their kick off beach event at Dohney Beach in Dana Point.

“One of our goals as an organization is to teach kids how to use public transportation to make it to the beach, helping to keep them out of trouble and off the streets,” said Groos. “When I learned about the Anti-Bully Program that Zen Dojos includes into their Karate teachings, I was excited to invite them to speak to our kids, helping everyone realize the importance of getting along and not tolerating bullying behavior.”

“Historically, concerned parents have turned to local Karate Studios like ours to find help with bullying problems at school and at home,” said Paul Benavidez, 7th Degree black belt Master Instructor who owns Zen Dojos. “Karate teaches core elements to help with bullying, like self-defense, respect, confidence, fitness, and we teach core codes of conducts that outlines appropriate behavior. We are excited to reach out to community groups and non-profits like Great Opportunities to help teach kids practical anti-bullying skills.”

The workshop covered information for the kids as well as for the event supervisors. Here is a taste of some of what was discussed in today’s Beach Bully Buster Workshop.

How to Intervene to Stop Bullying at the Beach: Tips for On-the-Spot Intervention

As adults, we may feel uncertain about how to handle bullying when we see or hear it happening. We may respond in ways that don’t make the best use of the opportunity to teach a young person the difference between appropriate and inappropriate behavior. It is important for adults to know how to best handle on the spot situations because if the situation is not handled appropriately, we could end up inadvertently promoting, rather than reducing, bullying.

Here are some tips to help respond more effectively on the spot and make the best use of the “teachable moment.” These same tips can be useful f bullying is seen or heard outside of the school, at a local community playground, at the beach, or other public place with low to no parent supervision.

When you see or hear bullying

• Immediately stop the bullying: Stand between the child or children who bullied and those who were bullied, preferably blocking eye contact between them. Don’t send any students away—especially bystanders. Don’t immediately ask about or discuss the reason for the bullying or try to sort out the facts.

• Refer to the bullying behavior and to the relevant school or organizational rules against bullying. Use a matter-of-fact tone of voice to state what behaviors you saw/heard. Let students know that bullying is unacceptable and the rules (e.g., “Calling someone names is bullying and is against our school/club/organization rules,” or “That was bullying. I won’t allow children to push or hurt each other that way”).

• Support the bullied child in a way that allows him or her to regain self-control, to “save face,” and to feel supported and safe from retaliation. Make a point to see the child later in private if he or she is upset, but don’t ask what happened at the time of the incident. It can be very uncomfortable to be questioned in front of other students. Let his or her teachers know what happened so that they may provide additional support and protection. Increase supervision to assure that the bullying is not repeated and does not escalate.

• Include bystanders in the conversation and give them guidance about how they might appropriately intervene or get help next time. Don’t put bystanders on the spot to explain publicly what they observed. Use a calm, matter-of-fact, supportive tone of voice to let them know that you noticed their inaction or that you are pleased with the way they tried to help—even if they weren’t successful. If they did not act, or if they responded in aggressive ways, encourage them to take a more active or prosocial role next time (e.g., “Maybe you weren’t sure what to do. Next time, please tell the person to stop or get an adult to help if you feel you can’t work together to handle the situation”).

• If appropriate, impose immediate consequences for students who bully others. Do not require children to apologize or make amends during the heat of the moment (everyone should have time to cool off ). All consequences should be logical and connected to the offense. As a first step, you might take away social opportunities (e.g., recess, beach privileges, activities). Let children who bully know that you will be watching them and their friends closely to be sure that there is no retaliation. Notify colleagues or other supervisors.

• Do not require the children to meet and “work things out.” Unlike conflicts, bullying involves a power imbalance, which means this strategy will not work. Trying to find a way to “work things out” can re-traumatize the student who was bullied and does not generally improve relationships between the parties. Instead, encourage the student who bullied to make amends in a way (after follow-up with an adult) that would be meaningful for the child who was bullied.

Ideas for working with children to become Upstanders:

It is important to ensure that children in groups, like the Great Opportunities beach group understands the definition of “Bullying.” Children may not always know when their behavior crosses the line and becomes bullying. Two important goals in asserting control over bullying are to create shared expectations for appropriate conduct and to build a common understanding of what behaviors should be defined as ‘bullying’.

To accomplish these objectives, a supervisor can hold a meeting in which children come up with rules for appropriate behaviors, which we did today at the beach during lunch. Rules should be limited in number (no more than 3-4) and be framed in positive terms (that is, stating what students should do instead of what they should avoid doing). Here are several sample rules:

• Treat others with courtesy and respect.

• Make everyone feel welcome and included.

• Help others who are being bullied or picked on.

Then it is important to tell the group that when you see examples of bullying occurring, you plan to intervene to keep the location a safe and friendly place to learn.

For more tips on bullying, or if you want to have Zen Dojos come to give a Bully Buster Workshop to your Summer Camp, School, Community Organization, Church, or Non-Profit event, please call 949-240-6574 or visit www.zendojos.com.

Get your Bully Buster OC Parent Resource Guide for more information about how to deal with bullying. The book is being offered online at Barnes & Noble, Amazon, and Smashwords!

Is cyberbullying a problem? Check out WordBully from Iconosys.

Follow us on Twitter @BullyBusterOC Email inquiries to bullybusterusa@gmail.com

The Movie ‘Bully’ and A Day of Action for Kids with Special Needs

Have you heard of Bully, the movie? If you haven’t you may be living under a rock like the people from the Gieco commercial!

But seriously, the documentary Bully, formerly known as The Bully Project, was made by Lee Hirsch as an attempt to provide a fl-on-the-wall perspective for the nation to see how bullying plays out in schools and in so many kids’ lives.

I am excited to announce that it is playing right in our back door at the Regency Rancho Niguel movie theater (1 hr 39 min; show times have been extended through next Thursday at 11:50 a.m., 2:20 p.m., 4:50 p.m. and 7:30 p.m.).

Thursday, in a nationwide effort to show support for bullied children with special needs, the director of Bully is offering a special needs toolkit that gives adults and children valuable tools to stop bullying when they know it’s happening, and prevent it from happening in the future.

Be a part of the Bully Free World online Day of Action for special needs Thursday, May 3. Here is what you can do:

• Share a link to the toolkit with your social networks.
• Tweet with the hashtag #BullyFreeWorld.
• Like, Share and Retweet our #BullyFreeWorld messages.
• Share your story about how bullying of kids with special needs affected you.
• Encourage your friends to get involved.
• RSVP to our event on Facebook.

Stirring national attention and media uproar for receiving an “R” rating right out the gates, Bully brought the national spotlight to the movie’s subject matter. Some say it was a publicity stunt, but I believe that Hirsch was simply trying to hold a mirror to youth in a realistic way, and a few F-bombs landed him the “R” rating. With such a rating, schools threatened to ban it, which would have defeated the whole purpose of making the movie in the first place.

Enough nationwide voices and anti-bullying advocate organizations spoke out to pressure the Motion Picture Academy to lower the ranking to PG-13, and it has since been shown to millions so far in select theaters.

Bully Buster USA was there to support the opening weekend, promoting the launch of the new to let movie-goers know that they have a local resource for fighting Bullies through the new smart phone anti cyber-bullying app Word Bully™ 3.0, and the upcoming anti-bullying Workshop May 19 at 10 a.m. at Zen Dojos. I want to send a special thanks to the Rancho Niguel theater staff and their awesome Manager Greg for being so supportive!

I am excited to have this film make it to Orange County. I think that is has a great chance to give its audience pause for reflection. I also believe that it has potential to spark sincere efforts to collectively work together to stop bullying before it starts.

Hirsh’s message in Bully was clear enough to engage the audience through his voicing of the victim’s side of the story. The lack of “professional commentary” allows for the movie to be a springboard for post-viewing discussion on the issue rather than forcing a solution or pointing fingers at schools, parents, or systems.

The look on the faces of the parents who lost their children was worth a thousand words, and hopefully worth millions of people finding a voice to take steps to join together to create an army against bullying.

This is a must see!

Ryan Foland

Bully Buster USA

Follow me on Twitter @BullyBusterOC

Bully Buster OC helps Guardian Angels Fly into San Juan Capistrano

The famous crime-fighting group, the Guardian Angels, has just launched a new chapter in Orange County.

Events in North Orange County inspired San Juan Capistrano resident Lani Martins take the leadership reins.

“When the homeless in Anaheim were being murdered the Guardian Angels from Riverside/San Bernardino, Los Angeles and San Diego counties came to Orange County to patrol the homeless encampments and shelters for 14 hours at a time so the homeless could feel safe enough to sleep,” Martins said.

Martins was intrigued and decided to research the group.

The Guardian Angels were established in 1979 to provide solutions for safe neighborhoods, schools and the internet from bullying, gangs and violence, she said. They consist of volunteers who donate their time and energy to ensure that citizens can safely enjoy their communities.

The Guardian Angels have 130 chapters in 14 countries providing safety around the world. They needed a leader in Orange County.

So the next thing you know, Martins is the new chapter leader of the Orange County Guardian Angels chapter.

The new Orange County chapter has partnered with four other Orange County organizations, including Zen Dojos Martial Arts Academy, Bully Buster OC, California Krav Maga and Divas in Defense, to collaboratively work toward making San Juan Capistrano and surrounding areas safer.

The Orange County Guardian Angels will host their first Bully Buster workshop for children and open training for adult volunteers on Saturday, April 21 at Zen Dojos Martial Arts Studio.

The workshops will begin at 10 in the morning and last throughout the afternoon. The Guardian Angels encourage parents to join their children at the workshop to make safety education a family matter.

“In addition to patrols, we have a Junior Angels program, which includes the Bully Buster workshops provided by Ryan Foland, free self-defense classes at Zen Dojos for Guardian Angel members and a senior citizens safety program,” Martins said.

Paul Benavidez, owner of Zen Dojos, said he’s proud to support the Guardian Angels by opening his martial arts studio for this kick-off workshop.

“As a SJC resident and local business owner, I strive to support the strengthening of our community,” Benavidez said. “Whether its fundraising for local schools, offering free anti-bullying workshops, or teaching self-defense seminars, I see the need to be proactive in the community.”

Foland, leader of the Bully Buster Workshops, believes they can make a difference.

“Through local partnerships and by providing the community with various workshops and programs to become more aware of how to create a safer community, the OC Guardian Angels is making crucial grassroots efforts that will help maintain crime and violence in San Juan Capistrano and the greater Orange County area,” he said.

How to Talk with Educators at Your Child’s School About Bullying

When I was speaking as a panel member at the Brea Community Center about bullying, many of the questions at the end revolved around how to talk with schools about bullying.  Here is an excerpt from my Bully Buster OC Parent Resource Guide regarding the matter.  Hope you enjoy.  For the entire book visit my website at www.BullyBusterOC.com

How to Talk with Educators at Your Child’s School About Bullying:

Learn how to talk to your kids teachers

Tips for Parents of Bullied Children

Parents are often reluctant to report to educators that their child is being bullied. Why?

• Parents may be unsure how best to help their child and may be afraid that they will make the

situation worse if they report bullying.

• They may be embarrassed that their child is being bullied.

• Sometimes, children ask parents not to report bullying.

• Parents may fear being seen as overprotective.

• They may believe that it is up to their child to stop the bullying. Children and youth often need help to stop bullying. Parents should never be afraid to call the school to report that their child is being bullied and ask for help to stop the bullying. Students should not have to tolerate bullying at school any more than adults would tolerate similar treatment at work.

 

The school’s responsibility

All children are entitled to courteous and respectful treatment by students and staff at school. Educators have a duty to ensure that students have a safe learning environment. Fortunately, most educators take their responsibilities to stop bullying very seriously. Several states have passed anti-bullying laws and require public schools to have an anti-bullying program in place. Ask for a copy of your school’s policy or check the student handbook to see whether your school has policies that will help resolve the problem.

Working with your child’s school to solve the problem

If your child tells you that he or she has been bullied or if you suspect your child is being bullied, what can you do?

• Keep a written record of all bullying incidents that your child reports to you. Record the names

of the children involved, where and when the bullying occurred, and what happened.

• Immediately ask to meet with your child’s classroom teacher and explain your concerns in a

friendly, non-confrontational way.

• Ask the teacher about his or her observations

• Has he or she noticed or suspected bullying?

• How is your child getting along with others in class?

• Has he or she noticed that your child is being isolated, excluded from playground or other

activities with students?

• Ask the teacher what he or she intends to do to investigate and help to stop the bullying.

• If you are concerned about how your child is coping with the stress of being bullied, ask to

speak with your child’s guidance counselor or other school-based mental health professional.

• Set up a follow-up appointment with the teacher to discuss progress.

• If there is no improvement after reporting bullying to your child’s teacher, speak with the

school principal.

• Keep notes from your meetings with teachers and administrators.

Ryan Foland

Bully Buster OC

The Bully Buster OC Form: Shy Stance, Shy Sit, and Shy Walk

The Bully Buster Form:

In my Bully Buster Workshops, I teach moves to a “Bully Buster Form” that I have developed based on skills that can help to defuse and defend against bullying.  The different moves are great learning tools for kids, as it gives them physical movements to draw upon for situations that they may experience or that could be dangerous.  It also creates a progression of different defenses that they can go through based on how they perceive the situation and real threats.

Be proud and strong, not shy

Shy Stance / Shy Sit / Shy Walk: 

Body language is something that all kids know, but it is important to make them aware how important it is to communicate confidence and not shyness.  I teach this concept by discussing what someone looks like who is shy, and kids immediately identify the “Shy” look.  I will sometimes get volunteers to demonstrate a shy stance, a shy walk, and even a shy sit.  By them taking on the physical appearance of being shy, we can then reinforce that when you look like this, you are more likely to create an imbalance of power between you and a bully.  Identifying a Shy Sit, Shy Walk, and Shy Stance, allows for parents to tell kids “that looks like a Shy Stance/Shit/Walk.”  We then discuss the opposite of what it is to be shy, and talk about confidence, and strength, and courage.  Talking of how Superheros carry themselves gives kids a basis.  Every kid knows that Superman stands tall and strong, with chest out, shoulders back, and head up!  This leads into teaching the Strong Stance, Strong Walk, and Strong Sit.

I will be sharing one of these moves a day on my blog, so keep checking back.  To get all of the moves, you can download my Bully Buster OC Parent Resource Guide at http://www.BullyBusterOC.com!

Ryan Foland

President Obama gets involved wtih Cartoon Network to target bullying in documentary that airs today!

I had a friend text me that they heard something about a “Bully” documentary on the Cartoon Network, so I asked Mr. Google, and found out more info, and want to share because I am so excited!  A good single source for the up to date news on the documentary I found to be in a Reuters article written by Susan Heavey,

According to the article, President Barack Obama appears in an upcoming Cartoon Network documentary aimed at encouraging bullied children and others to speak up, and says that as the father of two young girls he is deeply concerned about the issue.

In an introduction to the 30-minute film, the president appeals to students, parents and teachers to take a stand on bullying.

“It’s wrong, it’s disruptive and we can all prevent it,” said Obama, who hosted the first White House conference on bullying last year.

He said that he was speaking not only as the president but as a father. “We’ve all got more work to do. Everyone has to take action against bullying.”

Bullying has been on the rise nationwide, according to government statistics. A 2009 U.S. Department of Education study found more than a quarter of students ages 12 to 18 said they had been a victim – often with others around.

The documentary, set to air nationally on Sunday 3-18-2012,  mixes stories from children who have been bullied with tips from those who have gotten past it. It includes interviews with celebrities, athletes and survivors who urge bullying victims, children who witness bullying, parents and teachers to speak out.

Stuart Snyder, Cartoon Network president and chief operating officer, said the film is aimed at elementary and middle school students ages 8 to 13.

“Speaking up is the best way to bring an end to bullying,” he told a crowd of about 400 students at a special screening of the movie at a middle school in Washington on Wednesday.

Aaron Cheese, a 15-year-old who is featured in the movie and spoke at the event, said he and those who had tormented him eventually matured but that he wished he had acted sooner. “Just talking to someone will help,” he urged the other students.

The broadcast comes ahead of the release of a longer documentary on the issue called “Bully.” That movie has already generated controversy because of the Motion Picture Association of America’s decision to give it a restrictive “R” rating despite objections from the filmmaker and others.

An “R” rating means those younger than 17 cannot be admitted to a film unless accompanied by a parent or guardian. That restriction will keep children who are the film’s target audience from seeing it, critics of the rating say.

The Cartoon Network film features tennis star Venus Williams, former National Basketball Association star Chris Webber, several NASCAR race car drivers, and the hosts of the network’s popular “Dude, What Would Happen” show.

It also features 14-year-old Alye Pollack, who fought back against bullying by filming a three-minute silent video and posting it on YouTube. Called “Words DO Hurt,” she made it after she was bullied by a boy for two years. He saw it and apologized. Later, he even came to her defense when another child teased her.

“That was amazing. Now I’m kind of friends with him,” she said of the apology.

The documentary airs today, Sunday at 5:30 p.m. Eastern Time and again at 8 p.m. Eastern Time on the Cartoon Network, which is owned by Turner Broadcasting System, Inc, a unit of Time Warner Inc.

How cool is that!  I am really happy to see Obama taking this issue seriously and the national attention that it deserved.  I hope you either have a chance to watch this, or are able to track it down on the internet after it shows.

Spread the word!

Ryan Foland

Bully Buster OC

Bully Tutor

Zen Dojos Martial Arts Academy

If you know of anyone being bullied who needs help, or if you would like to learn more about how we can bring a Bully Buster OC Workshop to your school, community center or church, please email me at ryanfoland@gmail.com.  Together we can make a difference!

Tough Guise – Violence, Media & the Crisis in Masculinity – A must see for Bully Busters

During a Self Defense Seminar I was holding recently at a High School for Seniors, I was reminded of the  documentary by Jackson Katz, called Tough Guise, as students told me that they watched it recently.  Jackson is one of America’s leading anti-sexist male activists, and as an educator, author and filmmaker, he is internationally recognized for his groundbreaking work in gender violence prevention education with men and boys. He has lectured on hundreds of college and high school campuses and has conducted hundreds of professional trainings, seminars & workshops. He is the co-founder of the Mentors In Violence Prevention (MVP) program, the leading gender violence prevention initiative in professional and college athletics .

The High School Seniors watched the documentary as part of the school’s efforts in Bully Education.  I have watched this documentary,  which is the first educational video geared toward college and high school students to systematically examine the relationship between pop-cultural imagery and the social construction of masculine identities in the U.S. at the dawn of the 21st century, and do believe it provides great insight to the problems, yet it does not focus enough on solutions.

In this innovative and wide-ranging analysis, Jackson Katz argues that widespread violence in American society, including the tragic school shootings in Littleton, Colorado, Jonesboro, Arkansas, and elsewhere, needs to be understood as part of an ongoing crisis in masculinity.  I agree with the themes that he presents, and it is only more evidence for continued efforts in combating what is reality through solutions and implementation of information available.  We can sit around all day and point our finger at the problems, and causes for the problems, and I believe that there has been enough talking and pointing of fingers, and that we need grass root collective efforts to change things.  I believe that my Bully Buster Workshop does just that, and only through practice and exposure of the issues to the larger community will we see things tilt in the other direction.  Bullying is more of a problem then ever, and there is more research than ever, but is there more effort in the community then ever?  I don’t think there is enough effort.  I often hear of teachers looking to parents to teach kids better behavior, and hear of parents pointing to the teachers to implement Anti-Bullying rhetoric and activities.  With both crucial components looking at each other for answers, we get stuck in a good ole fashion staring contest where there no winners.

Here are some other reviews of the film, and even if there are not enough solutions presented, it sure does a great job of laying out how we developed so many problems!

Praise for the Film

“Illustrated with movie clips and quotes from popular slasher films to inane Howard Stern comments, Tough Guise offers strong statistical and analytical evidence regarding the very real crisis arising from the widespread depiction of inaccurate and unhealthy stereotypes of male masculinity. Highly recommended.”
– R. Pitman | Video Librarian

“Violence Prevention begins with a fearless look at the cultural factors that encourage violence, especially school violence. Tough Guise needs to be watched by every high school and middle school student in America.”
– Mary Atwater | Violence Prevention Coordinator | Jefferson County, Colorado

“One of those rare films that viewers will keep with them long after they leave the classroom.”
– Kristine Zentgraf | CSU-Long Beach

“An excellent resource and a must-have video for all school and universities.”
– Charisse Jackson | National Conference for Community & Justice

“In this video laced with images from a range of media, Jackson Katz presents the well-supported argument that popular culture promotes an image of masculinity as ruggedly individualistic and violent, with harmful effects for both women and men. Katz reviews examples of negative portrayals of men and discusses such topics as the school shootings in Littleton, Colorado, and Jonesboro, Arkansas. However, a particular asset of this video is that it also offers alternative, more healthful images of masculinity from such movies as Good Will Hunting and Boyz ‘N the Hood.”
– Patricia H. Hinchey | Associate Professor of Education at Pennsylvania State University

Children who Bully

The government has taken great lengths to gathering information on bullying, and http://www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov is a great resource.  Below is some information worth reading!

 

Characteristics of children who bully

Children who bully their peers regularly (i.e. those who admit to bullying more than occasionally) tend to:

• Be impulsive, hot-headed, dominant;

• Be easily frustrated;

• Lack empathy;

• Have difficulty following rules; and

• View violence in a positive way.

Boys who bully tend to be physically stronger than other children.

 

Family risk factors for bullying

Children who bully are more likely than their non-bullying peers to live in homes where there is:

• A lack of warmth and involvement on the part of parents;

• Overly-permissive parenting (including a lack of limits for children’s behavior);

• A lack of supervision by parents;

• Harsh, physical discipline; and

• A model for bullying behavior.

 

Peer risk factors for bullying

Children and youth who bully are more likely to have friends who bully and who have positive

attitudes toward violence.

Common myths about children who bully

“Children who bully are loners.”

• In fact, research indicates that children and youth who bully are not socially isolated.

• They report having an easier time making friends than children and youth who do not bully.

• Children and youth who bully usually have at least a small group of friends who support or encourage their bullying.

“Children who bully have low self-esteem.”

• In fact, most research indicates that children and youth who bully have average or above-average

self-esteem.

• Interventions that focus on building the self esteem of children who bully probably will be

ineffective in stopping bullying behavior.

Bullying and other violent

or antisocial behaviors

Research shows that bullying can be a sign of other serious antisocial or violent behavior. Children and youth who frequently bully their peers are more likely than others to

• Get into frequent fights,

• Be injured in a fight,

• Vandalize property,

• Steal property,

• Drink alcohol,

• Smoke,

• Be truant from school,

• Drop out of school, and

• Carry a weapon.

These and other materials are available online at: http://www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov

 

Research also shows that

• Children who bully are more likely to report that they own guns for risky reasons, such as to gain

respect or frighten others.

• Boys who were identified as bullies in middle school were four times as likely as their non bullying peers to have more than one criminal conviction by age 24.

 

What do I do if my child is bullying others?

• Make it clear to your child that you take bullying seriously and that you will not tolerate

this behavior.

• Develop clear and consistent rules within your family for your children’s behavior. Praise and reinforce your children for following rules and use non-physical, non hostile consequences for

rule violations.

• Spend more time with your child and carefully supervise and monitor his or her activities. Find

out who your child’s friends are and how and where they spend free time.

• Build on your child’s talents by encouraging him or her to get involved in pro-social activities

(such as clubs, music lessons, nonviolent sports).

• Share your concerns with your child’s teacher, counselor, or principal. Work together to send

clear messages to your child that his or her bullying must stop.

• If you or your child needs additional help, talk with a school counselor or mental

health professional.

 

References

Byrne, B. J. (1994). Bullies and victims in school settings with reference to some Dublin schools. Irish Journal of Psychology, 15, 574-586. Cairnes, R. B., Cairnes, B. D., Neckerman, H. J., Gest, S. D., & Gariepy, J. L. (1988). Social networks and aggressive behavior: Peer support or peer rejection? Developmental Psychology, 24, 815-823.

Cunningham, P. B., Henggeler, S. W., Limber, S. P., Melton, G. B., and Nation, M. A. (2000). Patterns and correlates of gun ownership among non metropolitan and rural middle school students. Journal of Clinical Child Psychology, 29, 432-442.

Espelage, D., Bosworth, K., & Simon, T. (2000). Examining the social context of bullying behaviors in early adolescence. Journal of Counseling and Development, 78, 326-333.

Limber, S. P. (2002). Addressing youth bullying behaviors. Proceedings from the American Medical Association Educational Forum on Adolescent Health: Youth Bullying. Chicago, IL: American Medical Association.

Nansel, T. R., Overpeck, M. D., Haynie, D. L., Ruan, W. J., & Scheidt, P. C. (2003). Relationships between bullying and violence among US youth.Archives of Pediatric Adolescent Medicine, 157, 348-353.

Nansel, T. R., Overpeck, M., Pilla, R. S., Ruan, J., Simons-Morton, B., & Scheidt, P. (2001). Bullying Behaviors Among US Youth: Prevalence and Association With Psychosocial Adjustment. Journal of the American Medical Association, 285, 2094-2100.

Olweus, D. (1993). Bullying at school: What we know and what we can do. NY: Blackwell.

Olweus, D., Limber, S., & Mihalic, S. (1999). The Bullying Prevention Program: Blueprints for Violence Prevention. Boulder, CO: Center for the Study and Prevention of Violence.

Rigby, K. & Slee, P. T. (1993). Dimensions of interpersonal relations among Australian school children and their implications for psychological well-being. Journal of Social Psychology, 133, 33-42.

Slee, P. T., & Rigby, K. (1993). The relationship of Eysenck’s personality factors and self-esteem to bully-victim behavior in Australian schoolboys. Personality and Individual Differences, 14, 371-373.