How to Handle Back To School Bullying : Advice from a Teenager

I have been excited to share our guest blogger Haley, and her most recent contribution is a very relevant topic as school is starting across the country soon. Remember, if you or someone you wants to share your advice, please email me at bullybusterusa@gmail.com. And with no further adieu, here is Haley’s advice for the approaching school year!

Be an Upstander

Hey there guys… How has your summer been? I know for some people it’s basically over, so I decided I would start off today with some words about back to school bullying.

So we all know that first days back at school are this weird paradoxical thing where students are depressed summer is over, but also almost want to go back to school in order to see all of their friends. I don’t know about boys, but I know most girls usually spend hours deciding what to wear, how to do their makeup, etc, in order to make the best first impression possible. And for some horribly unfortunate people, going back to school also means facing renewed bullying from peers that they haven’t seen all summer. And let me tell you, 3 months away can change a person, and not always for the better. Be careful when you go back to school, because when you haven’t seen some one all summer, they may have changed. I mean one of my best friends in 8^th grade totally changed between 8^th and 9^th grade. She came back super stuck up and just generally obnoxious. Turns out, she had gotten close to one of the “popular” girls and had kinda just left me behind. Now I understand that in the grand scheme of things, that probably doesn’t matter that much, I mean if she didn’t want to hang with me, that’s her loss, but still, it kinda hurt. And for the kids who go back to school and have to face renewed bullying, there are a few ways you can try to combat it (get it, combat..anyone? ok guess not)…firstly, when you go back to school, don’t automatically fall back into the bully trap. Try to stand up to them, or just avoid them, if possible. If nothing helps, try filing an anonymous bullying report, most schools have them, and they allow you to report bullying without being labeled as the “tattletale”. If nothing else works, talk to your parents right away, because since it’s the beginning of the year, you can probably figure out transfer options. Anyways, have fun going back to school my dear readers, I’m sure you will have tons of fun with the new homework… as for me, I don’t go back to school until September 5, so I’ll spend my days chilling on the beach.

“When people hurt you over and over, think of them like sand paper. They may scratch and hurt you a bit, but in the end, you end up polished and they end up useless.”
- Chris Colfer

Summer Bullying. Learn to Embrace your own body image at the beach! No One is Perfect, be Kind to Yourself.

It is summer and our guest blogger Haley shares with us her thoughts on the importance of appreciating who you are, no matter what you look like. What she writes is right on point.  Learning to like yourself is a huge step in not being Bully Bait at the beach. And with no further adieu, here is Haley.

No one is perfect. Be kind to yourself.

Hey there guys, what’s up? Anything new or exciting going on? So I know that its summer time and most people think bullying mainly happens in the school year, but that’s totally not true. Bullying can happen at any time during the year, especially during the summer. During the summer it seems like most of the bullying is about body type/image. I don’t know about you guys, but I basically live in a swimsuit during the summer (which is why it’s my favorite season, you can wear a swimsuit as a bra and not have people judge you) and I can totally see how things like that can get out of hand. When you are a girl, all everyone thinks about is how skinny everyone else is, how tan everyone else is, etc. Well guess what? I’m whiter than a piece of paper. I get sunburned indoors practically. Do I care? Nope, not at all. I know you have heard this a thousand times, but everyone is beautiful in their own way.My thighs touch; I have really ripped back muscles from volleyball, and am painfully skinny around my middle. Remember that for everything you hate about your self, there is always someone who would die to have it, and trade places. And guys? Yeah, don’t worry I didn’t forget about y’all. I know it’s hard that maybe you don’t have wash board abs, or a perfectly even tan. Believe me, I get it. But understand that you should embrace who you are. To be honest, no one is perfect. You see those movie stars on the cover of tabloids in the super market? Yeah, the Selena Gomezs and the Taylor Lautners of the world, who look all perfect all of the time. Well honestly, I would hate to be them. I like being who I am. I know it’s hard, but guys, try to embrace yourself, and accept your flaws, because if you accept them and own them, then no one can make fun of you for them and hurt your feelings. Be strong guys, and don’t be afraid to hit the beach or the pool. You would be surprised, most people don’t even care about you, they are to busy worrying about themselves. See you guys next week.

 

Always be a first-rate version of yourself,
instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
- Judy Garland

 

BLOG: Teens, Alcohol, and Blackmail. How Making Bad Decisions Can Make You Bully Bait.

Here is another blog from my guest blogger Haley, and I think that what she discusses is a very important issue when it comes to bullying. With technology, and cellphones that are both cameras and video cameras, we all need to be that much more conscious about the decisions we make. Drinking lowers inhibitions and sometimes makes people do things that they would not do sober, but sometimes youth that experiment with alcohol, learn this reality before it is too late. I think that this issue is one that maybe is not too often linked with bullying, but Haley makes a great point about the potential aftermath of behavior caught on tape, and how it can embower bullies well after the incident occurred.  I want to thank Haley for her openness and willingness to confront and discuss such real issues.

If you are interested in guest blogging for the Bully Buster USA blog, please email me at bullybusterusa@gmail.com.

And now, with no further adieu here is Haley…

Hey there guys… so normally I’m gonna talk about issues that most teens face at least once in their lives regarding bullying or embarrassment but today I have something different in mind. You see, I went to a party last night and some things went down that I think need to be addressed. First off, there was a ton of alcohol at this party (I don’t drink, so it wasn’t an issue for me) and many of my friends were drinking.

Teens need to be aware of the dangers of drinking.

Alright, I get it’s like a social thing and all, but c’mon guys, don’t be stupid. One of my friends got so drunk that she ending up making out with another girl. Tons of guys were watching and many had their phones out either recording or taking pictures. Seriously? Is that really necessary? I feel horrible for her because now everyone can blackmail her… I mean, she’s trying to get scholarships for volleyball and soccer, and what is she gonna do if a recruiter sees that video? What if someone posts that on facebook or YouTube, or just on the internet in general? She made a stupid decision to drink and get super wasted. That was her choice. Honestly though, is it really worth it? I mean, I get that when you’re at a party, drinking is the “cool” thing to do, but seriously, you will probably regret it. And if you do decide to drink, for all that is good and equal, DON’T YOU DARE GET BEHIND THE WHEEL. Call someone, call a parent. I know most of us are scared to call our parents because we don’t want to get in trouble, but I can almost guarantee you being in trouble and safe is better than being wrapped around a tree or smeared onto the highway (sorry, that was kinda graphic, but I really don’t want anyone to drink and drive). Alright, rant is over. I just feel pretty strongly about this subject because I have seen some really bad things happen to people who drink. Alright, well see y’all next week.

 

“Water is the only drink for the wise”

-Henry David Thoreau

Guest Blogger: You may be a cyber-bully and not even know it.

Here is another insight from Haley, comments are welcome! Also if you are interested in being a guest blogger then email me at bullybusterusa@gmail.com.

Alright guys… miss me? No, probably not, but it’s alright. I’m still new at this so forgive me if things seem sorta random in the beginning. What do you typically think of when you think of bullying? Old school bullies, like the stereo typical jocks stealing the lunch money of an innocent nerd with taped glasses, right? The problem is, bullying like that still exists, but new types of bullying aren’t as obvious as the ones that are shown in movies. Now, it seems like everyone knows about cyber bullying, about vicious facebook attacks and harmful text messages. Here’s the thing though, bullying is waaaaay bigger than just what it looks like on TV. or in movies. Now I know what you are thinking… you have heard all of this before right? You get that cyber bullying is horrible, and that it causes suicides and stuff like that. But sometimes people don’t even notice that they are doing it. Ever posted a “truth is” status on facebook? Where people like your status for an “honest” truth that they think about you. Usually people just post things like “truth is ur amazing and we should hang out!” or some cheesy thing like that. Or sometimes best friends will post on each others walls things like “truth is your ugly and I hate you” because they are just messing around and being sarcastic. The problem with those types of posts is that you can’t tell any emotion through a computer. Read these words: Your ugly and I hate you. Not so funny now that you can’t see the sarcasm. Be careful what you write to people, because when there is no voice, no emotion behind the words, its easier than you think to have someone take it the wrong way and to really hurt someone that you never meant to. I’m not saying stop posting those statuses, (because c’mon, they are pretty fun and its fun seeing how many people want to know your opinion) I’m just saying stop to think a little bit before you decide to post a sarcastically mean status, and make sure that the person that you are sending it to actually gets the sarcasm. Anyways, see you guys next week

 

“A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him.”
-David Brinkley

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Introducing a new guest blogger to the Bully Buster USA Bully Blog

Wow, things have been busy being a Bully Buster these days. I have not been able to share my thoughts and insights as frequently as I have wanted to, but I am still here and doing all kinds of great things in the fight against bullying.

Through my outreach I have met many inspiring youth who have stories of how bullying has effected them, and more importantly how they have overcome. I find all of their stories to be great resources for others, and I have decided to branch out and share some of them as guest writers. If you or someone you know is interested in becoming a guest blogger for the Bully Buster USA Bully Blog, please contact me at bullybusterusa@gmail.com. I do believe that sharing stories and thoughts on this matter can really help the writer and readers fostering great conversations on a nationwide level that will help kids and parents learn to be Bully Busters!

I would like to introduce Haley, who was connected to Bully Buster USA as a result of her struggle being bullied. I have personally met Haley and was so impressed with how she has overcome the bullying she experienced and believe she is a great role model. I have asked her to quest write for me, and I am proud to share her first blog….

Hey guys…alright so this is my first ever blog day. I wasn’t really expecting to become a blogger, but sometimes things are really important and need to be addressed. But we will get to that in a little bit… first a little bit about me, just so you guys can sorta get to know me, through cyber space. Well, here we go. I’m 16, I live in southern California (no, its not as great as everyone pictures it, but yes, the weather is awesome) and I play high level volleyball. Like really high level. Like I-have-no-life-because-I’m-always-playing type of thing. But I love it anyways. I have always had all A’s at a super high level academic program. Until sophomore year, that is. Sophomore year is when things started to fall apart for me. My grades slipped, I started losing a lot of weight, I stopped working hard at volleyball and I became very withdrawn. Teachers noticed, and asked me if anything was wrong, or how they could help. “Is there something going on at home?” “Do you want to talk about it?” No. No. My absences spiked because I was sick all of the time. My parents would sometimes ask me what was wrong, but I just told them I was tired from a lot of work, and they accepted it. I stopped hanging out with people, and spent most days when I wasn’t playing volleyball up in my room drawing or blasting music. I became a burner, (like a cutter, but with matches instead of blades) and started contemplating suicide. Finally I broke down and told my parents what was going on. I was being bullied. Every time I went to school I had to face name calling, pushing, tripping, and laughing as I walked down the hallway. I didn’t have any friends to confide in, and was trying to tough it out. Eventually, I transferred schools and went to counseling to deal with what had happened to me. Eventually, I managed to pull my grades up and get my life back on track.

Here’s the thing guys, I almost ruined my life because I wouldn’t speak up about the bullying that I was experiencing. I know it’s hard. Believe me, I know, I had to deal with it. But honestly, no one should have to put up with any kind of bullying. That’s the reason that I decided to start writing this blog, because sometimes all it takes is one voice to start a change, to stand up to bullying, and to save a life.

“It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them, more strength to relate to people than to dominate them, more ‘manhood’ to abide by thought-out principles rather than blind reflex. Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles and an immature mind.”

-Alex Karras

 Please feel free to share your comments with Haley, and look for more of her thoughts to come!

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Conflict Resolution versus Tollerance : Adults Bullying at the pool

It was a Sunday afternoon, the sun was out, the pool was warm, and the Jacoozi was hot!  There were 25 or so splashing kids in the Olympic size pool, and parents seeking shade and relief at the pool’s perimeter.   I was focused on spending time holding my breath underwater, imagining I was somewhere else, like the Bahamas, Hawaii, or Catalina on a very hot day.  Upon taking a breath, I noticed that the Jacoozi was open, and I literally jumped on the opportunity to occupy it.  It was at this point I heard someone yell “I’m gonna do laps in this lane, so stay out of my way!” then a big splash.  Seeing kids heads looking towards their poolside parents for direction on how to react, the parents looked back with an equally confused stare.  The “Lapper” did not ask, but told everyone what he was going to do, and just went on to his laps, in the number two lane, right through all of the splashing kids!  From my vantage point, it was easy to see that there was bound to be conflict.  Some kids simply didn’t get out of the way, and the Lapper kept lapping!  Upon running into the kids, he got aggressive and yelled at some of them (I found out later that he said “If you don’t move, I will hit you).  This is when things started to go south.  The mom of the child he yelled at, snapped, reacted, and followed the Lapper shouting at him until he reached and reset in the shallow end.  Hand on hip, finger out, and loudly speaking her mind, this Mom was standing up for her child, and for every other child in the pool.  The Lapper, rather than being apologetic, got very aggressive and the conflict escalated and the entire pool was fixated on what was happening but no one knew what to do.  This is when I decided to get involved, and I re-directed the attention, suggested that the conversation was private verses public, and calmly talked each party through a middle ground solution, making sure to let the Lapper know his actions were inappropriate, and that if he talked to any other children, I would personally see to it that he leaves.  My interaction diffused the situation, but the kids and parents were a bit shell shocked to say the least.  I had no problem getting involved because I am trained in conflict resolution, and have the confidence to stand up for other people.

I had a number of parents come up to me afterwards and thank me for getting involved, and this situation made me realize how important “Bully Buster” training is for adults just as much as it is for children!

As a culture, we are not taught Conflict Resolution, but taught Tolerance instead.  I believe that more focus needs to be on Conflict Training, to stop conflict in action or before it happens, versus allowing “Adult Bullying” behavior to occur and being “tolerant” of it.

When people hear the word “Bullying” they typically think of children, but what word do we have for “Adult Bullying?”   I spent some time trying to marry these two words (Bullying+adult) to come up with a new word, but had “Adultying” didn’t have the right ring, or effect I was hoping for.  On deeper thought, the “Adult +Bullying”  I found is really just “Arguing” at the end of the day.

Adults argue, and things can and do escalate, and adults need to know how to de-esclate situations rather than just allowing the arguing to turn into violence.  As adults we need to set examples for kids, as they look to us for how to handle themselves, especially in a public arena.  With the invent of the hand held video, flip, and camera phone, and youtube, as a society we have been exposed to so much violence, that maybe we are desensitized to adult arguing and violence, making us think that it is common place, or that we should tolerate it.

I challenge adults to always stick up for others during conflict, rather than letting it continue, and work to resolve conflict rather than becoming more tolerant towards those who prefer to make conflict common place.   And if you feel the need to argue in front of children, check your emotions, act like an adult, and have a private conversation, working towards a compromise.

Ryan Foland

Arguing Adult Buster

Bully Buster OC

Bully Buster OC Workshop featured in OC Register!

Ever since Ryan Foland was a freckle-faced kid with carrot-colored hair, he’s had a problem with bullying.

As a kid they’d call him “Frecklejuice” and picked him last for basketball. Now, at 31, with a black belt in tae kwon do, his bullies are gone. But bullying remains.

That’s why the San Juan Capistrano resident started Bully Buster OC, a free monthly workshop that seeks to provide young people with strategies to combat bullying. The workshop will meet for the second time at 10 a.m. Saturday at Zen Dojos, 31105 Rancho Viejo Road. The event will include a bounce house, a raffle and snacks.

Foland teaches kids to manage their personal space, convey confidence with body language and avoid conflict. He said there is a proper way to react to name-calling or physical confrontation.

“Kids don’t know how to respond or react. And that just kind of festers,” Foland said. “It’s common sense and common knowledge, but it’s not common practice.”

Foland remembers being scared, angry and helpless as a child. But he said he’s always been a problem solver. When he was picked last for basketball, he brought his own ball and started his own game. When the bullies got physical, he started taking martial arts. The more he knew how to fight back, the less he needed to, he said. “It’s about attacking the roots of the problem.”

He said the idea for Bully Buster came from his family. His sister is a teacher and both his parents are professors.

Gov. Jerry Brown recently signed two laws that expand the definition of bullying to include sexual orientation and give bullied students the right to transfer to another district.

Foland said the threat of losing students – and accompanying funding – puts undue pressure on teachers to focus on bullying at a time when they already struggle to meet educational benchmarks.

Schools typically take on bullying during Blue Ribbon Week each year, when students engage the issue in workshops, lectures and other activities. But Foland doesn’t think that’s enough, citing a study from the National Education Association that says more than 160,000 students in the United States miss school every day because they’re afraid of bullying. His workshops are intended to supplement the schools’ efforts, and he said he has reached out to PTAs to spread the word.

“Providing this kind of education in public schools is an uphill battle,” Foland said. “This is about the community coming together and dividing the responsibility.”

Though his workshop currently meets at the martial-arts school where he teaches, Foland hopes to take the program on the road to nonprofit groups and school districts.

For more information about Bully Buster OC, call 714-717-6844 or visit bullybusteroc.com.