Introducing a new guest blogger to the Bully Buster USA Bully Blog

Wow, things have been busy being a Bully Buster these days. I have not been able to share my thoughts and insights as frequently as I have wanted to, but I am still here and doing all kinds of great things in the fight against bullying.

Through my outreach I have met many inspiring youth who have stories of how bullying has effected them, and more importantly how they have overcome. I find all of their stories to be great resources for others, and I have decided to branch out and share some of them as guest writers. If you or someone you know is interested in becoming a guest blogger for the Bully Buster USA Bully Blog, please contact me at bullybusterusa@gmail.com. I do believe that sharing stories and thoughts on this matter can really help the writer and readers fostering great conversations on a nationwide level that will help kids and parents learn to be Bully Busters!

I would like to introduce Haley, who was connected to Bully Buster USA as a result of her struggle being bullied. I have personally met Haley and was so impressed with how she has overcome the bullying she experienced and believe she is a great role model. I have asked her to quest write for me, and I am proud to share her first blog….

Hey guys…alright so this is my first ever blog day. I wasn’t really expecting to become a blogger, but sometimes things are really important and need to be addressed. But we will get to that in a little bit… first a little bit about me, just so you guys can sorta get to know me, through cyber space. Well, here we go. I’m 16, I live in southern California (no, its not as great as everyone pictures it, but yes, the weather is awesome) and I play high level volleyball. Like really high level. Like I-have-no-life-because-I’m-always-playing type of thing. But I love it anyways. I have always had all A’s at a super high level academic program. Until sophomore year, that is. Sophomore year is when things started to fall apart for me. My grades slipped, I started losing a lot of weight, I stopped working hard at volleyball and I became very withdrawn. Teachers noticed, and asked me if anything was wrong, or how they could help. “Is there something going on at home?” “Do you want to talk about it?” No. No. My absences spiked because I was sick all of the time. My parents would sometimes ask me what was wrong, but I just told them I was tired from a lot of work, and they accepted it. I stopped hanging out with people, and spent most days when I wasn’t playing volleyball up in my room drawing or blasting music. I became a burner, (like a cutter, but with matches instead of blades) and started contemplating suicide. Finally I broke down and told my parents what was going on. I was being bullied. Every time I went to school I had to face name calling, pushing, tripping, and laughing as I walked down the hallway. I didn’t have any friends to confide in, and was trying to tough it out. Eventually, I transferred schools and went to counseling to deal with what had happened to me. Eventually, I managed to pull my grades up and get my life back on track.

Here’s the thing guys, I almost ruined my life because I wouldn’t speak up about the bullying that I was experiencing. I know it’s hard. Believe me, I know, I had to deal with it. But honestly, no one should have to put up with any kind of bullying. That’s the reason that I decided to start writing this blog, because sometimes all it takes is one voice to start a change, to stand up to bullying, and to save a life.

“It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them, more strength to relate to people than to dominate them, more ‘manhood’ to abide by thought-out principles rather than blind reflex. Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles and an immature mind.”

-Alex Karras

 Please feel free to share your comments with Haley, and look for more of her thoughts to come!

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The Movie ‘Bully’ and A Day of Action for Kids with Special Needs

Have you heard of Bully, the movie? If you haven’t you may be living under a rock like the people from the Gieco commercial!

But seriously, the documentary Bully, formerly known as The Bully Project, was made by Lee Hirsch as an attempt to provide a fl-on-the-wall perspective for the nation to see how bullying plays out in schools and in so many kids’ lives.

I am excited to announce that it is playing right in our back door at the Regency Rancho Niguel movie theater (1 hr 39 min; show times have been extended through next Thursday at 11:50 a.m., 2:20 p.m., 4:50 p.m. and 7:30 p.m.).

Thursday, in a nationwide effort to show support for bullied children with special needs, the director of Bully is offering a special needs toolkit that gives adults and children valuable tools to stop bullying when they know it’s happening, and prevent it from happening in the future.

Be a part of the Bully Free World online Day of Action for special needs Thursday, May 3. Here is what you can do:

• Share a link to the toolkit with your social networks.
• Tweet with the hashtag #BullyFreeWorld.
• Like, Share and Retweet our #BullyFreeWorld messages.
• Share your story about how bullying of kids with special needs affected you.
• Encourage your friends to get involved.
• RSVP to our event on Facebook.

Stirring national attention and media uproar for receiving an “R” rating right out the gates, Bully brought the national spotlight to the movie’s subject matter. Some say it was a publicity stunt, but I believe that Hirsch was simply trying to hold a mirror to youth in a realistic way, and a few F-bombs landed him the “R” rating. With such a rating, schools threatened to ban it, which would have defeated the whole purpose of making the movie in the first place.

Enough nationwide voices and anti-bullying advocate organizations spoke out to pressure the Motion Picture Academy to lower the ranking to PG-13, and it has since been shown to millions so far in select theaters.

Bully Buster USA was there to support the opening weekend, promoting the launch of the new to let movie-goers know that they have a local resource for fighting Bullies through the new smart phone anti cyber-bullying app Word Bully™ 3.0, and the upcoming anti-bullying Workshop May 19 at 10 a.m. at Zen Dojos. I want to send a special thanks to the Rancho Niguel theater staff and their awesome Manager Greg for being so supportive!

I am excited to have this film make it to Orange County. I think that is has a great chance to give its audience pause for reflection. I also believe that it has potential to spark sincere efforts to collectively work together to stop bullying before it starts.

Hirsh’s message in Bully was clear enough to engage the audience through his voicing of the victim’s side of the story. The lack of “professional commentary” allows for the movie to be a springboard for post-viewing discussion on the issue rather than forcing a solution or pointing fingers at schools, parents, or systems.

The look on the faces of the parents who lost their children was worth a thousand words, and hopefully worth millions of people finding a voice to take steps to join together to create an army against bullying.

This is a must see!

Ryan Foland

Bully Buster USA

Follow me on Twitter @BullyBusterOC

Four minutes and thirty five seconds that speak volumes. Johna Mowry, What’s Going On. “It gets better, but you have to try.”

I came across this video in my searching online for voices of those who have been bullied, and I was truly moved by Johna’s attempt at communicating what has effected him for years. If you have five minutes, this youtube portrays the struggle that one youth has with being bullied. It saddens me to know that he is not along in his struggle. I hope that buy sharing his story, more people will see the need for tolerance and friendship over intolerance and un-necessary harassment.

Johna Mowry, What’s Going On

Then I found him talking about the video.

It sounds like his viral video helped him to express himself and address his aggressors.

Realizing that you are gay, and coming out about it,  is not easy for today’s youth.

He does comment that “It gets better, but you have to try,” and I am happy for him that he is working through the difficulty of sharing who he is to the world, and is getting support from his family and friends.

Take a moment before you make judgment on anyone. We are all unique individuals and are entitled to all the same rights and privileges. Be nice, be accepting, and use your energy for positivity, not negativity.

These are my thoughts and I wanted to share!

Ryan Foland

Bully Buster USA

 

 

 

 

 

Bullying is the perfect crime, because victims often cover it up

Sometimes we hear of “bullycide” and may think, “wow,” take a moment to reflect, feel sad for the child, feel sad for the family, feel anger towards those who’se bullying had a hand in the tragic death, but we may not think of such tragedies happening in our back yard.  Any human with a heartbeat should feel such feeling, and most importantly should know that tragedies have happened and will continue to happen if we do not make more efforts to prevent them, especially in our back door.  I recently learned from an article by the OC Register, that in Rancho Santa Margarita,  Daniel Mendez, was a victim of bullying, and he hid the ongoing abuse by saying he would “handle it.” But he couldn’t. On May 1, 2009, Daniel, a 16-year-old sophomore at San Clemente High, shot himself in the street in front of a friend’s home.

When we think of someone who took their life as a result of a way out from peer harassment, we may have an idea of this person in our mind.  Maybe the victim was flimsy, had glasses, kept to himself, was a book worm, would be considered nerdy, was un-athletic, was short, was really tall, maybe was overweight, maybe just looked and acted out of place.  These stereotypes are just that, stereotypes, but it is a reality that people preconceived notions based on things like life experience or media’s portrayal of “bullying.”  I was surprised to learn that Daniel was a Boy Scout, had plenty of friends, earned a black belt in Tae Kwon Do, played football and was consistently an honor student.

But being all of these things didn’t stop bullies from going after him, calling him names such as half-breed, gay and mercilessly ridiculing him at Bernice Ayer Middle School in San Clemente.

According to the article, shortly before Daniel Mendez died, he had started using Facebook. His parents monitored chats and his grandmother had heard some threatening voicemails. They knew that some of the bullying was continuing, but Daniel down-played it saying he was in control. On the day he died, he had told his mother he had wanted his grandmother to pick him up from school at lunchtime, Anna Mendez said. He said he wanted to miss Spanish class but be taken back to his math class. His parents suggested he just stay there all day and go to all the classes. Later through Daniel’s friends, the Mendezes learned that an altercation occurred during the time he had wanted to be away from campus, hours before he took his life.  What the Mendezes most want other parents to understand is that while statistics often show children who are physically smaller, have learning disabilities or are homosexual might be more targeted for bullying, children such as Daniel are just at much at risk. In Daniel’s case, he hid some bullying from his parent because he blamed himself.

Daniels Mother said, “He felt like there was something he was doing that was causing kids to single him out.  That’s why bullying is the perfect crime, because victims begin covering it up. They lose self-esteem, suffer anxiety and self-loathing. The person starts to not like himself and it becomes a downward spiral.”

She points to school programs that address bullying, such as The Cool 2 Be Kind Club that some of Daniel’s friends started in his memory at San Clemente High. That program recently was given the Ambassadors of Peace Award by the Orange County Anti-Violence Coalition for its work in stopping bullying. Data show that schools with anti-bullying programs have reduced bullying by 50 percent.

For Bully Buster OC, this story rings dear to our cause, as it highlights the root of why we must make efforts on all levels (at school, at home, in the community) to combat the dangers that bullying poses to all children, of all types, at all ages, in all social groups.  Bullying starts with the imbalance of power, and continues over time.  Through education, awareness, and practice, I believe that we can level the imbalance and create a happier and safer place for children to learn and grow, which breeds a happier and healthier society, community, state, country, and world!

Ryan Foland

www.BullyBusterOC.com